dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
