At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
