Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
