Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
