Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm having to shit out rocks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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