Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
