I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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