Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
