your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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