I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
