Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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