I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
