Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
