So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
