he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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