I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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