miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
