one might say we're banned from that church
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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