stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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