You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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