So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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