she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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