She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
