Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
