no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
