I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
