i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
