Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
