dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
