I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
