i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
