If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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