Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
