i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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