just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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