Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
