I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
