i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
