my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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