im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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