Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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