they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
