Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
