is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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