I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
