I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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