I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
