Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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