Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
