there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
