it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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