Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
