Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Found the puke drawer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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