____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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