Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
