2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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