After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You took a bar mat shot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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