I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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