and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
