i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this is an emotional support booty call
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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