Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
