friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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