My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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