I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I touched a dick in church today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
