Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
