Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
