You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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