Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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