That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
