i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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