I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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