We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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