people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
