sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
