separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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