Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
