my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
