mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
