Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
