Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
