I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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