DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
