forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
