I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
