watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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