Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
