i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
